Last week brought another big appointment, my follow up from surgery and I hoped my result for chemotherapy. Whilst it brought good news re surgery, all margins were clear and no more surgery would be needed, my surgeon did not have any information about chemo as it is dealt with by another consultant at another hospital. He was helpful and suggested I contact the consultant’s secretary, which I did. I was later told that test results are not discussed on the phone. I would have to wait until my appointment, which was a week later. I asked if the appointment could be brought forward and was told they would get back in touch.
I was feeling quite frustrated, the doctor has my results but I, the patient, don’t. I had been waiting for nine weeks for clarification of my treatment and my patience was running out. These big appointments don’t get any easier, the roller coaster is still at full throttle… so yes I had a melt down. Not on the phone but with G..Tears flowed and I think it was just what I needed, as I felt much better after. All that pent up frustration flooded out. as they say, better in than out!
Monday I had a phone call, could I come in for 3.40 that day. So having agreed I then found a friend, who very kindly stepped up as G was in Birmingham. This was not an appointment to do solo. I was convinced that chemo was my path, why else did he want to see me face to face…they also weighed and measured me before I saw him. So when given my the paper with my test results, I did a double take.. 17 that meant chemotherapy would give me less than 1% benefit. Wow! I was told I could have it if I wanted to … funnily enough I declined. Why would I do that if there was less than 1% benefit?
Suddenly, the path was clear… I had clarity. My active treatment will finish before Easter. I felt like I had suddenly been pinged back into normality. No more days or weeks at a time. I can make plans, I can book a holiday, Eleanor can have her birthday party whenever she wants to. I can go back to university after Easter, all being well. There was also a tremendous sense of relief, radiotherapy is a known quantity for me and I was worried about chemotherapy and all of that worry just fell away.
The weekend in between I went off to London, many months ago a friend and I had booked tickets to see Les Mis as a birthday treat. This could not have been timed better, getting away was just the break I needed. I had excellent company, thoroughly enjoyed the show (I loved every minute) and just had a wonderful time leaving my worries behind.
So next stop radiotherapy but in the meantime I have a little spring in my step and a smile on my face. I think I dodged a bullet there.
Three things I am grateful for
- Passing my Stats assignment with a good grade.
- the lovely cards, flowers and such thoughtful presents I had for my birthday
- seeing Les Mis and my trip to London